Panem Events (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
etcircenses) wrote2014-08-27 11:11 pm
etcircenses) wrote2014-08-27 11:11 pm
(no subject)
[Intro music begins, as well as the camera panning over the words Panem Nightly and the two co-anchors, both of whom are decked out in various advertisements for the stores in the PaneMall. The names Julian Aufidius and Helena Livia scroll across the bottom.]
Julian: [wearing a hat made of cell phones, each emitting a hologram that says CELL U LAR] Welcome to Panem Nightly, your most trusted source for keeping yourself trendy and informed! Big shakeups in our government tonight, ladies and gentlemen. Peacekeeper Headquarters has issues a statement that veteran Peacekeeper "Buddy" Glass will be replacing Hsiang Jiao as the department head. He certainly has big shoes to fill.
Helena: [with 'GLAMOUR NAIL' written in sparkly pink across her forehead] Officer Glass has worked with the Peacekeepers for nearly a decade, both in the field and behind a desk. Before that, he was one of the memorable voices on It's a Wise Child, a radio show I'm sure we all remember. Careful, Julian - maybe he'll be after your job next.
Julian: [chortles] Hardly - some of us only have faces for radio. Have you seen the man's eyebrows?
[awkward pause. Helena's smile turns into a rictus grin.]
Julian: No offense to the Officer, of course! It's all meant in good fun! Anyway, investigation continues into Hsiang's death. We can't release details yet, but the Capitol has brought on some off-world experts to help in solving the case, and we're assured that the culprits are all safely in the Arena.
Helena: Safe for us, not for them. And on the note of the Arena, we would like to remind everyone that this Thursday you'll have a chance to interact with the Tributes! The clever ones who find the internet cafe will be able to comment on this post and any others on the front page. So if you want to tell them how darling they look in their sparkly outfits, now's the time to do it! And speaking of that…
[the words TREND ALERT flash across the screen]
Helena: Drag becomes them! The trio of Stylists from Eight, Nine and Ten have really brought drag back into the mainstream lately. Guyliner, packers, undercuts and sinchers - I haven't seen so much gender bending in years!
Julian: I'm certainly not going to complain about more beautiful women out there, no matter what they do to look that fine!
Helena: For people who want to imitate something a little less human, both ribbons and flowers have made a comeback as people seek to dress like our new competitor Groot. There's a Groot graffiti campaign too, with images popping up around town stating "we are Groot".
Julian: Ha, ha. I think they got his slogan wrong.
Helena: In other Capitol gossip, Arturus Blackwood has been sent off to District Four for an extended business trips. Rumor has it that Jennifer Blackwood was seen crying in the supermarket. Could there be trouble in paradise?
Julian: My theory is that she's pregnant.
Helena: [playfully smacking Julian's shoulder] You always think that.
Julian: And someday I'll be right!
Helena: Our lovely little Frenchman Courfeyrac had his twenty-fifth birthday today. We should all give him a shout-out.
[footage of Courfeyrac cowering under the arcade table while a sad violin plays Happy Birthday ]
Julian: At least with his face all disgusting he doesn't have to worry about aging badly! Heh.
Helena: He's a horrible traitor and we despise him.
Julian: Mindy and Harley have been put back in the Arena too.
Helena: They're horrible traitors, and we despise them also. But happier Tributes abound! Dave and Loki, for example, can be seen canoodling all through the Arena. Is love in the air?
[slow-mo footage of Dave and Loki in the Arena with piano music]
Julian: Fans of the pairing have already taken to calling it 'Doki Doki'. Isn't that cute?
Helena: Just darling, even if poor Eponine won't think so. I prefer Clara and Alex, though…even though Clara's looking a little rough around the edges lately.
Julian: You really have to keep an eye out for Venus Dee Milo, you know. Get it?
Helena: [groaning] I got it, Jules.
Julian: She's a horrible traitor and we despise her too.
Helena: Meanwhile, family tensions seem to be riding high as Sigma Klim disowned the Initiate. Looks like the Murphys are the only happy family there is left.
Julian: Well, unless you count the Bucky twins.
Helena: I've stopped counting them entirely since I saw Nasir naked again, I'll be honest. [fans herself]
Julian: Oh my. Alright, folks, that's all for tonight. Tune in tomorrow for more Panem Nightly!
[outro music]
Julian: [wearing a hat made of cell phones, each emitting a hologram that says CELL U LAR] Welcome to Panem Nightly, your most trusted source for keeping yourself trendy and informed! Big shakeups in our government tonight, ladies and gentlemen. Peacekeeper Headquarters has issues a statement that veteran Peacekeeper "Buddy" Glass will be replacing Hsiang Jiao as the department head. He certainly has big shoes to fill.
Helena: [with 'GLAMOUR NAIL' written in sparkly pink across her forehead] Officer Glass has worked with the Peacekeepers for nearly a decade, both in the field and behind a desk. Before that, he was one of the memorable voices on It's a Wise Child, a radio show I'm sure we all remember. Careful, Julian - maybe he'll be after your job next.
Julian: [chortles] Hardly - some of us only have faces for radio. Have you seen the man's eyebrows?
[awkward pause. Helena's smile turns into a rictus grin.]
Julian: No offense to the Officer, of course! It's all meant in good fun! Anyway, investigation continues into Hsiang's death. We can't release details yet, but the Capitol has brought on some off-world experts to help in solving the case, and we're assured that the culprits are all safely in the Arena.
Helena: Safe for us, not for them. And on the note of the Arena, we would like to remind everyone that this Thursday you'll have a chance to interact with the Tributes! The clever ones who find the internet cafe will be able to comment on this post and any others on the front page. So if you want to tell them how darling they look in their sparkly outfits, now's the time to do it! And speaking of that…
[the words TREND ALERT flash across the screen]
Helena: Drag becomes them! The trio of Stylists from Eight, Nine and Ten have really brought drag back into the mainstream lately. Guyliner, packers, undercuts and sinchers - I haven't seen so much gender bending in years!
Julian: I'm certainly not going to complain about more beautiful women out there, no matter what they do to look that fine!
Helena: For people who want to imitate something a little less human, both ribbons and flowers have made a comeback as people seek to dress like our new competitor Groot. There's a Groot graffiti campaign too, with images popping up around town stating "we are Groot".
Julian: Ha, ha. I think they got his slogan wrong.
Helena: In other Capitol gossip, Arturus Blackwood has been sent off to District Four for an extended business trips. Rumor has it that Jennifer Blackwood was seen crying in the supermarket. Could there be trouble in paradise?
Julian: My theory is that she's pregnant.
Helena: [playfully smacking Julian's shoulder] You always think that.
Julian: And someday I'll be right!
Helena: Our lovely little Frenchman Courfeyrac had his twenty-fifth birthday today. We should all give him a shout-out.
[footage of Courfeyrac cowering under the arcade table while a sad violin plays Happy Birthday ]
Julian: At least with his face all disgusting he doesn't have to worry about aging badly! Heh.
Helena: He's a horrible traitor and we despise him.
Julian: Mindy and Harley have been put back in the Arena too.
Helena: They're horrible traitors, and we despise them also. But happier Tributes abound! Dave and Loki, for example, can be seen canoodling all through the Arena. Is love in the air?
[slow-mo footage of Dave and Loki in the Arena with piano music]
Julian: Fans of the pairing have already taken to calling it 'Doki Doki'. Isn't that cute?
Helena: Just darling, even if poor Eponine won't think so. I prefer Clara and Alex, though…even though Clara's looking a little rough around the edges lately.
Julian: You really have to keep an eye out for Venus Dee Milo, you know. Get it?
Helena: [groaning] I got it, Jules.
Julian: She's a horrible traitor and we despise her too.
Helena: Meanwhile, family tensions seem to be riding high as Sigma Klim disowned the Initiate. Looks like the Murphys are the only happy family there is left.
Julian: Well, unless you count the Bucky twins.
Helena: I've stopped counting them entirely since I saw Nasir naked again, I'll be honest. [fans herself]
Julian: Oh my. Alright, folks, that's all for tonight. Tune in tomorrow for more Panem Nightly!
[outro music]